It is early morning. Dawn, in shades of peach and yellow is pushing away the night sky. The snow, pristine on Christmas day, is well tracked with boot prints, snowshoe prints, and paw prints, evidence of our family enjoying time together in the north country. We were blessed with three days of warmer weather before diving into the deep freeze. God is so good! Our family time was sweet….so very special to have all our kids and grands under one roof and so thankful that I was feeling good, really good! I was able to cook and play and talk and hug my babies, big and little. Yes, our God is most definitely good!!!
The time was even more special as it followed six very difficult weeks. I am NOT blaming God; He had a lesson to teach, and I had a lesson to learn. In October we got some very good news with my PET scan. My cancer was in remission. I had just finished my seventh cycle of oxalyplatin and 5-FU with accumulating side effects. I was given a choice, one more round of the two drugs, or cut out the oxalyplatin, which causes most of the adverse side effects, and continue with a maintenance dose of 5-FU. Without a moment’s pause, I jumped in, feet first, and decided to do one more round of the combination drug. Why not, it was working??? Not a good decision. I did not take time to pray, to ask God what we should do. I stepped, no jumped, outside of His will, something I hope to never do again! My liver enzymes increased well outside “my normal” range, indicating inflammation/damage to my liver. My pancreas was inflamed, a condition that can rapidly turn serious, even life threatening, my blood sugars were running higher than normal, and I slept, for four weeks, sometimes as much as 20 hours a day. I had plenty of time to think, to seek forgiveness, to learn. God graciously gave me the strength to do what I absolutely needed to do, but nothing more. He stopped me, right where I was, loved me, forgave me.
By Thanksgiving I was feeling better, venturing out to run a few errands, even fixing the turkey with my mom. It was short lived. I developed a horrible respiratory infection with cough, ear, sinus and eye infections. I am still battling the ear infections, but the rest of the “junk” is gone. The cough was so severe that I ruptured the incision from my surgery and now have an abdominal hernia. Surgery to repair it would require that I go off my chemo for six weeks. After PRAYING, we have decided to “wait and watch”.
So….I have learned. I am not perfect, and I will probably make decisions without seeking God’s council, but I am learning to seek God in all things. I am grateful to be surrounded by people who hold me accountable. I am grateful for each one of you who have faithfully prayed for me. It has been my privilege to pray for you too.
My “new year” begins with a CT scan on Monday, January 6th. I covet your prayers for a scan that indicates NO CANCER. I covet your prayers for direction as we move forward with maintenance chemo. The neuropathy is more difficult when it is cold, and I continue to pray that God would lead me to a good treatment option for that.
How is your “new year” beginning? Is there something I can be praying for you….praise, thanksgiving, healing, peace. God has so graciously blessed me this year. My time with family has been so precious, we have welcomed two new babies, faced down cancer, created wonderful memories. We have laughed and cried together, carried and been carried by each other. We have learned many lessons. TO GOD BE ALL THE PRAISE AND GLORY!!!!
May each of you be blessed, as you have blessed me. May the new year be filled with opportunity to praise, thank and give glory to God.
Annie
